Friday, September 30, 2011

This IS my life afterall...

I did it. I left my job.

Well, almost. I gave my two weeks notice. Everything went very smoothly when I announced I was leaving. The higher-ups understood my position and have wished me all the best. I am EXTREMELY lucky to be part of such a supportive collective.

I feel relief and am at total peace with my decision.

But I am a TAD bit worried. I am unemployed. In a bad job market.

Sort of. Although the unemployment rate is at 9 percent, the unemployment rate for those with bachelor's degrees is at 4.3 percent.

It might take a while but that's OK. I CAN DO THIS.

Short term goal: Get everything in line so that I can leave two to three weeks from now.

Long-short term goal: Find a job AND/OR look into furthering my education, if I deem it necessary.

Long-term goal: Be happy.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

You Are Capable of Much More Than Being Looked At

Isn't that awesome? 

I first encountered this phrase while reading this blog: Beauty Redefined

Beauty Redefined was started by twin sisters, Lindsay Kite and Lexie Kite. They're currently working on their PhD's in Communication, studying representation of female bodies in popular media. They're Website is all about rethinking the idea of 'beautiful' and 'healthy' that we, as a society, have learned though the for-profit media that thrives off female insecurity. They've even started a billboard campaign where they've put this and other self-empowering slogans like "There is more to be than eye candy" for all to see. (Well, "all" in Utah, where they are located.)  

Again, isn't that awesome?

"You are capable of much more than being looked at." 

This needs to be posted everywhere. Because we woman DO need to hear this. There is SO MUCH more to you than just being pretty. And there's SO MUCH more to beauty than being pretty. Prettiness is the aesthetics. Beauty, however, is about taking pride in yourself, your WHOLE self. 

I remember having such a hard time with this concept of beauty when I was in high school. I did not feel beautiful. I felt invisible i.e. Samantha Baker in "Sixteen Candles." 

This changed in college. NOT magically but consciously. I begin to see everything I had to offer to the world- my sincerity, my calm demeanor, my sense of humor, my intelligence, etc. 

And I finally began to see that it was OK that I did not fit the desirable Latina stereotype- the curvaceous body and luscious long dark waves. 

I AM small and skinny with B-cup breasts. But I am BEAUTIFUL. I have a pretty face, great skin and I rock this pixie hair cut. Not to mention my awesome taste in shoes. 

I also began to see that it wasn't ME that was the problem. It was OTHER people- the media, peers, sometimes even family. Comments from the outside still hurt of course. But nowadays they're more like annoying mosquito bites rather than life threatening shark attacks.

Every woman is beautiful. And if she doesn't feel beautiful, then she MUST ask herself why. Don't avoid it, that'll only make it worse. How long have you felt this way? When did it start? Is it an outside source that's making you question yourself? Is this outside source based on fact or opinion? Are they telling you because they sincerely care or because it makes THEM feel better, makes them money, etc? Sincerity always trumps ego and profits.

Beauty is a never ending process that goes far beyond aesthetics. Again, it's about bettering your WHOLE SELF.

I repeat a third time: Isn't that awesome? 

Saturday, September 10, 2011


I consider myself a good person. I think I'm understanding, have an over generous amount of patience and am generally a swell gal. (That's right, I DID just revert back to the 1950's and call myself a swell gal.) 


How long am I suppose to wait? It's been two months and I'm at a standstill at my job. The bureaucracy you have to deal with is amazing. How is an organization suppose to effect change when there's all this red tape you have to go through? This is the kind of stuff that makes me NOT want to go into non-profits in the future. 

It's a shame. There's SO many people who do need help out there. I guess after working years and years in this "industry," however, people start to lose sight of the good works they're suppose to be providing for their fellow man. I can understand HOW it happens but not how it can CONTINUE to happen. You have to get SOME kind of reminder. 

So very very frustrating. I hope things change.  

And I hope that this frustration doesn't kill my desire to continue on this path in the future.

For now, I'm giving myself until October. If things are still at a standstill after that, it's time to start getting serious about my other options.  

Thursday, September 1, 2011

If I Ever Have A Daughter...

I want her to laugh too much. 

I want her to give "You're so great at math!" more weight than "You're so pretty!" as an ego booster. 

I want her to say "Please" and "Thank You" and "I'm Sorry" and mean it every single time. 

I want her understand "I love you" takes repetition AND action.

I want her to clean her room.

I want her to treat her body like she KNOWS it's the only one she has. 

I want her eyes to light up when she's doing something she loves.

I want to see that look often. 

I want her to take pride in her gorgeous curly hair. 

I want her to smile when she thinks of me. 

I want her to be happy.